


apostates

by sixth_dr_whomst



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Asexual Doctor (Doctor Who), Gen, Nonbinary Doctor (Doctor Who), Original Character - Freeform, also slight canon divergence if you've listened to gallifrey, discussions of mormonism and being exreligious, maybe kinda sorta hurt/comfort?, op writes very specific coping fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 17:50:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15611694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixth_dr_whomst/pseuds/sixth_dr_whomst
Summary: leela spends time with someone like her; someone who used to believe but no longer does.





	apostates

She was raised to praise Xoanon.

Her mother (a brave woman) taught her to praise Him, trust Him, do as He says. Obey those who speak with His voice.

There were no examples of what to do if you stopped. Only people spoken of in whispers, and missing seats at tables.

* * *

 

The Doctor tries to teach her to be civilized. They teach her to write, to read, teach her science and technology. They aren’t the best teacher (they’re far too impatient and go a little too fast), but they do their best. She’s stubborn too, and if she doesn’t understand something, the Doctor knows she won’t stop asking questions until she knows.

It helps her, honestly, to learn. The more she knows, the less she relies on Xoanon for answers. And the less she relies on Xoanon, the more she feels as if she is her own person.

* * *

 

With almost no warning, the TARDIS lands. The Doctor grabs their hat, bouncing out the doors. “Come along, Leela!” They call out, stopping suddenly in the doors.

“Where are we?” She asks, a small smile on her face.

“America.” They say, and run outside.

Leela runs out after them, and looks around. Buildings tower above her, much taller than she would expect. Streets align perfectly, metal machines lined up all along them, people walking in masses through the streets. “Earth?” She guesses, looking up at the blue and cloudy sky.

The Doctor nods, also craning their neck to look up. “Chicago.”

Leela nods, as if she knows where this is. (She doesn’t, but she’ll find it later. The TARDIS speaks to her. She’ll help her.) “And why are we here?”

“An old friend.”

They don’t say much beyond that, as they walk down the streets. Leela shivers a little. The wind here is strong and fast, and she doesn’t hesitate to let the Doctor know. The Doctor laughs. “Yes, it is, isn’t it? I always wondered why they wanted to move here. Undoubtedly, it’s the ability to wear layers most of the time.”

Leela is confused.

They walk into a building, and the Doctor smiles at a man behind a desk. “Hello. I’m here to see Stef Jones.”

The man instructs them towards a directory on the right wall, and the Doctor looks it over. They seem to find whoever they’re looking for, and start off down another hall, leaving Leela to trail after them. They step into an elevator, and ride it all the way to the 10th floor. The Doctor starts down one end of the hallway, then whirls around and goes down the other. They reach a door, number 1005, and knock. A young figure with dyed purple hair opens it, looking up at the Doctor with wide eyes. “Can I help you?”

“Ah, yes! It’s me. The Doctor.”

The stranger’s eyes widen, and they suddenly laugh. “No way!”

They jump towards the Doctor and hug them. The Doctor bursts into laughter as well, lifting the stranger off the ground a little. They set them down, and the stranger turns to Leela. “Hiya. I’m Stef, they/them pronouns.”

Leela nods at them, and introduces herself. Stef smiles and motions for the two of them to come in. They do, and Leela looks around. Their apartment is plain, yet homey. There’s something in the air that makes Leela feel contented, settled. Safe. She blinks her eyes to stop herself from entering a daze. The rooms are mostly neat but slightly messy, making them feel warmer than they might be. The wall opposite from the door has one large window, with a ledge for sitting. Books are scattered around, along with dog toys. Four flags hang on the walls, only one of which she recognizes (the asexual pride flag). A white fluffy dog comes running out, and starts sniffing at Leela’s feet.

Stef laughs. “That’s Les.”

“I’ll assume that’s short for something?” The Doctor guesses, already starting to make tea.

“Lesser Dog.”

The Doctor laughs, and so does Stef. At Leela’s confused expression, Stef says, “It’s from a video game I like, Undertale. Lesser Dog is one of the characters you fight, and he looks just like Les.”

Leela nods, and holds her hand out to the dog. It sniffs her, and quickly starts licking her. She grins, crouches, and starts to pet it. “Nice scarf.” Stef says, cocking their head at the Doctor.

“Thank you. I made it myself.”

“I thought you said it was a gift?” Leela says, standing up again.

“I do have more than one.” They retort, and Stef’s eyes widen.

“More than one?”

“What are these flags for?” Leela interrupts. “I recognize the asexual one, but not the others.”

Stef looks up, and smiles. “Well, there’s also the aromantic flag, plus the trans flag and agender flag.” They point to each flag as they name them. “I didn’t get a chance to show pride as a kid, so hell yeah I’m gonna show off now that I’m an adult.”

Their eyes start to haze over, a little, but then they blink and shake their head. “Anyways. What’s up with the visit? Haven’t seen you since last face.”

The Doctor hums. “Leela’s tribe were very superstitious. I figured she could do with a conversation with another ex-religious person.”

Stef nods, and accepts a teacup from the Doctor. “So that is why you’ve brought me here.” Leela says, and moves to stand closer to the Doctor.

“You weren’t in on the plan?” Stef guesses, and both humans give the Doctor their best glares.

“Now, now.” The Doctor laughs a little, holding up their hands in defence, and then rubbing their face.

Stef rolls their eyes and shakes their head. “I, uh. Ex-religious, huh?”

Leela shifts her attention from the Doctor to Stef, and takes a seat. “Yes.” She answers, her voice much quieter.

Stef seems to sense her discomfort and wariness, and smiles warmly. “I grew up Mormon. Like most religions, they believe they’re the only right people, the only true religion, and everyone else is missing part of the truth. They also put a lot of emphasis on the quote-unquote ‘sins’-” They add air quotes- “of those who voluntarily leave the church, and how they’ll never be happy. Most of my family thinks I’m secretly completely miserable.”

They pause to pet Les, and then shrug. “Sure, I’ve got my problems, and I’ve got my off-days. But I’m actually consistently happier, now. But they don’t see that.”

“My tribe cast me out.” She says simply, taking a hesitant sip of her own tea. “I spoke out against Xoanon, and became a- what was the word you used?”

The Doctor speaks up. “Apostate.”

Stef nods wisely, and takes a sip.

“I was raised to believe in Xoanon. I...do not always know how the worlds work without him.”

“That’s where Google comes in handy.” Stef jokes. Their tone goes back to being serious. “Being raised to believe in one person, a higher being, who created everything...kinda messes you up, if that’s your only source of information and you’re no longer a believer. That’s when you start asking all the questions, all the things you never bothered to learn as a kid. I mean, even 10th grade me was willing to slap 9th grade me for not paying attention to evolution because-” They adopt a higher, sillier voice- “ _God_ created _evERYthing_ , so _I_ don’t need to study _this_!”

Leela snorts a little, and Stef seems to light up. “Anyways, I just...start looking up stuff. Don’t hold back questions. If you wanna know something, learn it. If you can, reach out to other people. Talk through your shit, y’know? Other people are good listeners, sometimes.”

The Doctor nods wisely, from their seat on the floor, playing with Les. “You said you were raised in your religion?” Stef repeats, leaning forward a little.

“Yes. My entire tribe was. Everyone shares the same belief, the same god. Those who spoke out were either killed or sent away to die.”

Stef frowns, and shakes their head. “That’s stupid. Shouldn’t have happened.”

“No.” Leela says quietly, taking a distracted drink of tea. “It should not have.”

“I’ll, uh, take a stab in the dark and guess your family didn’t exactly support you?”

“No.” Before Stef can open their mouth again, she cuts them off. “But I do not need their approval. I am learning. I know more about the worlds than they ever did.”

Stef smiles a little, and says, “Good.”

* * *

 

The sun sets a little while later. The Doctor spots a clock (the kind with the digits, Leela’s personal favorite) and turns back to Stef. “Can we take you to dinner?”

Stef shrugs, and stands. “Sure. I’ll assume I’m paying?”

The Doctor laughs their special “why did you figure this out already please let me hold onto my shreds of mystery” laugh. “Why of course not, of _course_ I have money!” Their face slides into a frown as they start to go through their pockets, and Leela and Stef share a knowing look. The Doctor looks up again. “I’m sure I have some on the TARDIS.”

Stef snorts, and shakes their head. “It’s fine, no worries. Just lemme change into a pair of jeans, and grab a jacket.”

They head further into their flat, and Leela looks at the Doctor. “When did you meet them?”

“A long time ago. They were a companion of mine- well, a friend, back when they were younger.”

“They are still young.”

“They were barely in their 20s, Leela. Not much older than you. They had been taken out of their home, and met me. I continued to talk to them for years, even after they’d settled down.”

Stef chooses that moment to return, a dark blue coat (not unlike the Doctor’s) over a black shirt and jeans. As they pull their boots on, they ask, “What’re you talking about?”

“You.” The Doctor responds instantly, smiling a little at their surprised look. “When I first met you.”

Stef laughs. “Ah, then.” At Leela’s look, Stef shrugs. “I time-travelled, by accident. Met the Doctor when they were...ah, on Earth too. They couldn’t get me back home, so we both just kinda...went along with it. Protecting Earth, the same way they always do. Once they could get me home, I asked to stay. And then, eventually, we both agreed it would be a good idea for me to actually finish my education and go to college and whatnot.

“Anyways.” They rub their hands together. “Food?”

* * *

 

After bidding goodbye to Stef, Leela turns to the Doctor. “We were the same age, when we met you?”

“Yes.” The Doctor nods.

“Did you take me to them because I remind you of them, or because you wanted me to talk?”

The Doctor turns to look at her. “Why did you agree to go?”

She shrugs. “Because you wanted to.”

The Doctor smiles. “Did they help?”

Leela pauses. The Doctor must have known, known something maybe she didn’t even know. They must have assumed she needed to talk about it, and so tried to get her to. They also must have assumed she would be more willing to talk to someone who had experienced a similar thing. They were trying to make her feel better.

“Yes.” She says finally.

And she’s not lying. There is a sense of calm, that comes from discussing her problems.

In her tribe, everyone was expected to be strong. You were expected to perform your job, your role, and work through your issues by yourself. As a young child, after the death of her mother, she did just that. She spent her days learning to hunt and to protect, and she spent her nights telling herself that to talk, to feel, to ask for help, was to disgrace Xoanon. Even now, even after leaving her tribe, after meeting the Doctor, after learning all she could, she’d clung to that pattern. Do not speak of your troubles, stay strong, don’t say a word.

But actually speaking about them, expressing what she felt...it was good.

Stef had passed her a note, during dinner, scribbled on the back of a receipt. 

_Steven Universe, season 4, episode 4: Mindful Education_

_good episode. reminds me of a conversation i’d had with my dad. most macho thing in life is to admit you have problems and ask for help._

_stay safe. take care. <3_

Leela frowns slightly as she stands outside the TARDIS. The machine must hear her thoughts, see Stef in her own mind, and gently nudges Leela, a gentle caress, like a mother pressing her hand against Leela’s cheek. She presses a hand against the side of the TARDIS, and her unspoken question is passed through those walls, and answered in her mind.

“Doctor?”

“Hmm?”

“What is Steven Universe?”

* * *

 

The doors close again. The machine takes off. Leela is content.

**Author's Note:**

> in case you're wondering about the gallifrey canon divergence: it's referenced in 2.2: Spirit that leela still is very spiritual and believes in a higher power, despite mentioning in the tv show that "it's better to believe in science" (the horror of fang rock). i like that interpretation better, and find it more accurate to her character. so yeah.
> 
> this is kinda old, since i wrote it a few months before it's posted here. but it's worth posting.
> 
> ALSO YEAH SOMETHING NOT RELATED TO SIX, STUNNING


End file.
